Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Just put a band-aid on it

I have not been posting because my Mac has been out of service and I have been boycotting using my husband's computer that drives me crazy, but here I am.

Today was eventful, which is typical in our house. We finally had the time to put down the dirt we bought to raise the beds to start our rose garden and clear out the area for our vegetable garden we are about to start. We had everyone outside and mosquito resistant and content. Bean was playing at his water/sand table when he decided he didn't want to play outside anymore. He headed for the sliding door and slipped and slit his head open on some sharp metal edge and there went gardening!

He was screaming, and just like Bean, he decided no one could touch him or look at the gouge in his head. Oh and forget ice,"TOO COLD MOMMY!" So now this knot in his head around this slit is swelling up huge and I can't tell how deep his cut is. Will and I decide he needs to go and have it looked out. Of course I am a little bit concerned, but humor has to be found in these sort of occurrences because they are becoming our norm. Bean overhears us discussing taking him to the doctor and decides he is going to have a say in the matter.

"Mommy I need to talk to you.", "Mommy I need to talk at you."

"What's the matter Bean."

" I don't want to go to the doc, might hurt me."

" I know Bean and you are right it might hurt( I believe in honesty) but we need to go have your boo boo looked at. I will be there with you and I will hold your hand and you are going to be Ok."

Obviously not the answer Bean was looking for

"Daddy I need to talk at you"

" What's the matter Bean?" Will says.

" Daddy I don't want to go to the doc, might hurt me." But this little 3 year old has gotten smarter since talking to Mommy

" I think we should just put a band-aid on it" " That's a good idea."

Well Bean didn't win this one and off to urgent care we went. He was not happy and was very uncooperative even though they wrapped his head with green bandages and gave him a green blow-pop, he was not going to be bribed into any sort of cooperation.

Daily Gratitude

* No stitches for Bean's head
* Amazing cake dropped off by some wonderful lady from our church yesterday evening

Running: I have been running, not as much as I would like but I am greatly improving my speed! Monday evening I ran 4 miles at an avg pace of 8:17 min miles pushing that double jogger. I am taking a break from pull-ups as I pulled something in my shoulder carrying around my 25 pound chunky monkey!

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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

"Mommy Look I so Pretty"

The last few days at my parents' we still hadn't made it to the zoo. Bean loves the zoo and this one has Pandas. " Mommy I want to see the Panda!" " I love him." "He's so cute." "He is black and white." I was planning this zoo field trip the moment we arrived to Ga. We didn't go the first few days because we were having poop issues (See earlier post). It was going to rain Tuesday and by Wednesday we would be on our next leg of our travels. So Monday was the last opportunity to make it to the Atlanta zoo.

There is one really important part of this story and it is called ATLANTA TRAFFIC or why I NEVER want to live there. I have never seen such bad traffic. I have heard about it enough but it wasn't until we got stuck in a big mess of it on the way back from Birmingham that added over an hour to our trip, that I realized how torturous it really is. A screaming baby and cranky toddler quickly teach you to NEVER EVER, NO NOT EVER make the mistake of heading near Atlanta anywhere near the time of rush hour. So to avoid traffic hell, I planned to leave for the zoo late enough in the morning to miss the traffic but early enough to enjoy the zoo and get back on the road before evening rush houe. So I decided we had to leave no later than 11.

I was a Mom on the move, I was determined to make this happen, but the morning had other plans. We woke up and I fed the boys breakfast and it was then realized I was in for it. Bean was in a mood and it was going to be a really rough day. He had just woken up and was cranking about everything. After breakfast, I got both boys dressed and put them in the only room that was almost childproof and started getting myself ready and then I heard screaming. After several trips in and out of the room and more screaming, I realized it just wasn't going to work. Out of desperation I put Tadpole in the pack-n-play. I never confine the little guy, so this didn't last long because he just screamed and I can't deal with that so I let him out and decided he would have to stay in the bathroom with me. Big mistake. He figured out how to get the circular shaped plastic cap that covers the screws that bolt the toilet into the floor off and in his mouth while I wasn't looking. This thing is too big too swallow and too big to get back out of his mouth. I had to pry it out and of course I cut the inside of his mouth and blood was everywhere and his outfit was ruined and he was screaming again. I felt horrible and checked his mouth all out because it made me a little nervous. I decided to nurse him and comfort him and at this point it was time for his nap. Bean decided to scream for me at this point and kept coming in and out of the room to bother me. I finally told him if he didn't go play in the other room and let me put his brother to sleep we wouldn't go to the zoo. I specifically told him to play with the ball game. My parents have a pool table and Bean kneels on a chair and rolls the balls in the holes and it is quiet, safe, neat, and entertaining for him. I am lying there with a baby attached to the breast and Tadpole is so close to being sound asleep, which means I can not get up but I am not hearing any balls rolling across the pool table. The baby finally falls asleep, and I get up and forget to check on Bean and go into the bathroom to hurry because now it is getting late. I hear Bean again "Mommy Look I so Pretty"

Bean says this a lot so I reply "Yes Bean you so pretty"

"Mommy I pink."

OK now that's a new one.

"Bean come see Mommy"

"Mommy look I so pretty, I pink."

And that is when I looked at him and saw this

Nice pink hi-liter that won't come off. My first thought racing through my head was "OH SHIT, WHAT ELSE DID YOU COLOR?" Luckily just himself. Needless to say pink boy, sleeping baby, and I, never made it to the zoo! Maybe this summer when we go back to Georgia. Later that evening he tells his Pop about his day. " I didn't go to the zoo because I color myself pink." " I soo pretty." I did have a long talk with Bean about not drawing or coloring on himself especially before I took the pictures for the blog. I don't think he got the message after what he said to my Father and the fact that he just drew on himself the other night at his Godmother's.

Daily Gratitude
* a nap
*chai tea
*capturing Tadpole walking on video

Running:I have run quite a bit the past week. Twice outside with the boys. It is taking a bit to get used to the baby jogger again and the heat. I ran on the treadmill at the gym for 5 miles and that was a lot easier. My pullups are greatly improving now that I have a bar for the house. I can do one close grip pull-up. I am getting there.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Tadpole walking

After 18 days of traveling with the boys I am a little tired. I have driven with them to Atlanta, Birmingham, Charlotte, Hinesville, Ga and back home. I decided to rest a bit last night and was sitting on the couch wasting my time on the computer when right behind me, Will calls out "Tadpole just took 3 steps all on his own!!!"

Dear Baby Tadpole,

What is that? We have been inseparable the past 2 1/2 weeks! The minute I even think about walking away from you, you let out this squeal that is piercing to the ears as if I just went on a European holiday and left you behind and didn't tell you if I was coming back. We co-sleep, I wear all 26 pounds of you most of the time you are awake, and you have an open bar all night long that nourishes those muscles that have made it possible for you to move. I'm not complaining... I'm just saying... the minute we arrive home you decide to show off for your Daddy. I see how it is. I'm food and comfort and you know that you have me wrapped around your finger so well that I am not going anywhere. I'd love you no matter what. You have learned that fast after how many times you've puked on me, or... gasp...bitten me while you were eating. But, Daddy well he is funnier and more exciting and he doesn't feed you, and he leaves a lot during the day, so you need to impress him right? It couldn't possibly be that when you look at him you get so excited that you want to rush right over to see him that you toddled your two feet right on over???!!!!! However, you win because you are snuggled right up into my side sound asleep right now, and I love you more this minute than I did the last and nothing is going to change that.

Now for the record, Bean  did the same thing. Yup, that is right. I went to teach yoga one evening and Bean was about 9 1/2 months old and during the 2 hours I was gone, he decided to walk across a room!!

Daily Gratitude- I'll update the rest later this evening

* Waking up to rain
* The smell of a baby
*homemade food

Running not this evening. I am resting until I am not covered in so many mysterious bruises??
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Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Caterpillar

Last Sunday was one of those days that really pulled at my Mommy heartstrings....

We were outside yesterday and blowing bubbles and playing in my parents' fabulous backyard when I saw this big caterpillar crawling through the grass. I quickly told Bean to come look. Bean's absolute favorite things are animals. He ran over super excited, and immediately said
"Mommy can I hold him?"

I said, "I don't know baby"

Bean, "I need to Mommy, I need to hold him."

Now I am all about Bean exploring and learning about nature, but I also will not allow innocent animals to be subjected to a three year old, so I wasn't really sure what to do. He calls for his Nonny to come look. He explains to his Nonny how he needs to hold his caterpillar and she tells him she is going to get him a bug jar. So the yogi in me isn't so sure about this, but the Mommy in me feels that he will enjoy this and it will be educational. In the meantime, we have lost site of the little guy and Bean is very upset looking for him on the grass, but he doesn't want to step on him. I figure it is a lost cause and now I won't have to catch him. A few minutes later.....

"Mommy I found him I found the caterpillar!!"

So into the plastic container with the holes in it and Bean is the happiest little boy you have ever seen. He is showing his new "best friend" to everyone. My Dad finds leaves for him to put in there and shortly my son is sitting on the couch watching a movie with his caterpillar. I am looking at this caterpillar and realize the little guy isn't doing so well and he needs to be freed. So I tell Bean that the caterpillar needs to go home to his house and that was the end of his happiness. He chases me outside and is begging me not to let the caterpillar go.

"Mommy I need him. NOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is my best friend!!!!!!!"

I explain to Bean the caterpillar is going to die if I don't let him go, because I believe in honesty, but that goes straight over his head. I then explain that the caterpillar lives outside and can only visit where Bean lives for a little while and that he needs to be set free so he can see his Mommy and grow into a beautiful butterfly. This is completely ineffective. He has lost it and is crying hysterical and in Bean's very sensitive three year old brain, I have just taken away his very best friend and his happiness. I take him inside and wrap him up in a blanket and hold him while he is crying and eventually he falls asleep. Sometimes it is just so hard being a Mom and watching my child learn the hard lessons we all have to learn about life.

Running- No running since last Sunday with all the traveling I have been up to. I have been working on my pull-ups though.

Daily Gratitude

* arriving home safely
* thoughtful gifts for Bean, Tadpole, and I when we arrived home
*good friends
* pretty roses
* my boys being so good on all the car trips we took the past 2 1/2 weeks
* my bed
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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Running with kids

While I am at my parents I have been running on the treadmill, which got me thinking about how lonely it is running without my boys. I've been running with a baby jogger for three years now. When I go on a run without my children, I feel like I left my legs behind or something.

One particular evening about a month ago, I really wasn't in the mood to run and it was so windy out but I knew I would be happy when I finished. I was actually going to go out running alone because of the wind, but Bean insisted on coming. I loaded him up in the jogger with snacks, a drink, and books. It was so windy that the jogger was moving with the wind, so the resistance when running against the wind, was intense. Every 2 minutes, Bean was insisting I stop the jogger.

"Mommy here, I am done with my juice."

"Mommy a kitty cat"

"Mommy I need...."

"Mommy look...."

The only people I will stop for when I am running are my boys. They hold a very special place in my heart, but it is hard to stop and start and stop and start and talk to Bean most of the time. It is physically draining. On a normal day, I can hear him while I am running and answer some questions but on this day with the wind, I couldn't tell if he was just talking, or if he needed something.

After 3 miles, I stopped back off at the house for my water bottle outside, and told Bean he could go inside and play if he wanted, but I wasn't quite finished. He insisted on staying with me. We made it maybe 100 feet and I here "MA " and I can't hear the rest because of the wind. More of Bean talking but I can't hear anything. Now I am physically exhausted running in all of this wind and I just want to finish and I can't take it anymore...

"Bean I can't hear you because of the wind, WHAT DO YOU NEED AND IF IT IS NOTHING CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TTTAAALLLKIIINNNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I look up and in front of me is a family outside of their house. The woman is with the dog trainer walking the family dog. The father is in the driveway with two boys that appear to be the same ages as my two boys. The first thought in my head was .... "Don't stare at me like I am some selfish mommy who only cares about her exercise, I want credit for the 15 times I have stopped and quietly and calmly accommodated every single one of his little requests." " I want credit, CREDIT!!!!!!!!!" The second thought in my head was "wonderful, I finally find a family with kids close in age to mine, and they are NEVER going to hang out with us now!

Gratitude List
* my parents
* friends
* chai tea
*sleeping in this morning thanks to my Mom

Running: Saturday I ran 5 miles and Sunday I ran 4 miles for speed. I have taken the rest of the week off with visiting Birmingham and everything else. I have been working on those pull-ups too.
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Friday, April 9, 2010

no writing

As I sit here with many topics to post about, I can not bring myself to write. My heart is not in it today, so I am not going to waste a great story on a writer who is halfheartedly writing. I did however work hard on my running and pull-ups today and felt that I did not want the entire posting opportunity to go to waste so I have to offer my gratitude list and my running update. Be back tomorrow.

Gratitude List
* Absolutely gorgeous day
* The invention of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream so Bean can have Green Ice cream with Black Spots like the green snake in the zoo.
* Tadpole's joyful spirit. He is the happiest baby I have ever seen.

Running and Pull-ups: working on doing pull-ups without any assistance. Changed my training up a bit. Discovered that I am strong enough to do chin-ups and one very close gripped pull-up. It's progress. I ran 4 miles on the treadmill.Pin It

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Happy 90th Birthday David!

There were no posts the past two days because I took the boys on a road trip to visit my parents. Driving 10 hours straight with two small children is exhausting, but surprisingly the trip was uneventful and here we are!
I met David when I was 15 at our yoga center. When I was 17, he was in the first yoga class I ever taught  and the only students I remember in the class where David and Jack. The class was rather uneventful, and at the end, Jack had no problem telling me everything I did incorrectly and everything I forgot. David on the other hand told me what a wonderful job I did and what a beautiful young woman I was.

I volunteered my time teaching the gentle class off and on for 6 years. During my first year David used to come with his wife. I would watch him set up his mat and towel for himself and his wife's identical mat and towel. When his wife passed, I watched as he came alone, same mat, same towel, but now it was only him. I had begun to have a very special place in my heart for David by this time, and I was worried for him. If I knew David the way I know him now, I would've known that there was absolutely nothing to worry about. David is not a survivor, but rather a lover of life and because of that I am certain David will be living life up until the moment he dies.
When I was 36 weeks pregnant with Bean, it became apparent that my days of volunteer teaching would need to be put on hold, as I started a new role as a Mother. This is when my relationship with David really grew into the friendship it is today. We began to spend afternoons together and meals and that is when you really get to know someone.
David was born to Jewish Eastern European immigrants in Brooklyn in the back of their store. The second son of three boys. He was a navigator in WWII. He was awarded a purple heart. He was married shortly after the war. He has a son and a daughter. He was in the supermarket business. He moved to Florida when he retired. I believe there isn't much we both don't know about each other's lives, but that isn't what I love the most about David. What I love most, is his attitude towards life and his amazingly warm heart.
David has truly grown wise as he has grown old. He has learned from his experiences and continues to learn every day. He is honest about his mistakes, but doesn't hold onto them. David doesn't get stuck, he keeps getting up every morning and growing. David truly knows what it means to be human and revels in the human experience. He loves company, and good conversation. He has taught me more in one afternoon, than I have learned in all my years of schooling.
When I tell people one of my best friends is 90, they think I am crazy. They ask me "what do you talk about?" Well, there isn't anything David doesn't know about me, and anything is open for conversation. One of the greatest gifts David has given me is how well he listens. People today don't listen anymore. When I call David he says to me "Oh Megan how are you my dear, hold on let me stop what I am doing and get comfortable." Then he says "Go ahead, tell me how you really are." He always means it and you know he is always listening. David never tells me what to do and he never judges.

David is so extraordinary with his ability to adapt with the times and expand his knowledge. He is always looking to have a new human experience. When I told him I was having my second son at home, he asked if he could come to the birth as he had never seen a birth. He wasn't caught up about my home birth like many others were. As he said "I was born at home, what's the big deal?" He would call up all the time and offer to cut the umbilical cord if he could come. How many 89 year old men are volunteering for that? Especially seeing as during the majority of his lifetime, men were not present for birth? I regret to say, I wasn't courageous enough to let him over for my birth, but if I am ever blessed with another child, David will certainly be invited.

I am saddened that I can not be with David today to celebrate his birthday. I think I have been looking forward to this day more than he has. I called him this morning to let him know I was in another state and to wish him a Happy Birthday. If he was disappointed he never let it show. He knows if I am not there, there is a really good reason for it, of course he knows this reason too.
On his birthday, he took the time to remind me how wonderful and courageous I am. I can not tell you how much that meant to me, especially this morning. I told him when I am 90 maybe then he can call me wonderful and courageous . What he said next, is exactly what I love about David. He said to me "When you are 90 maybe I will be reincarnated into a young man and you can return the favor." I could only be so blessed to enjoy David's company in the Winter of my life. I believe the friendship I have with David is one of the greatest gifts God has given me. Happy Birthday David you truly inspire me!

David and Bean 86 years and 8 months difference

David and Tadpole 89 years and 3 months

Gratitude List
* David and his friendship
* My Mom
* Time to run
* Britta and her warm heart
* New friends I have recently been blessed with

Running: Ran 3 miles tonight, was too tired from yesterday's drive to go any farther.

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Monday, April 5, 2010

Warning all about POOP

Poop is a subject I never talked about until Nursing school and Motherhood and it certainly wasn't an in- depth discussion. As a Mom poop took on a whole new meaning. Poop tells so much about your baby's well-being, and if there is a problem you become a little obsessed or at least I did. If I wasn't with him for a little while, I would ask whoever was, Did he poop? How much? What color? Any blood? All I wanted was for my child to poop normal. After a colonoscopy at 3 months old, they determined his problem was from food sensitivities, so I went on a wheat, dairy, nut, egg, and soy free diet to continue breastfeeding. Slowly things improved.

Fast forward two years and we start casually potty training. What I mean by casual is I wasn't going to force him, just encourage him to sit on the toilet and I figured it would magically happen. It never magically happened and after Tadpole was born, it got worse. Bean decided he wasn't going anymore, not in a diaper not on the toilet, not anywhere. He was standing his ground and taking control of the one thing he could. I read once that bringing home a new baby to your child is like your partner bringing home a new spouse. " I liked you so much honey we got another one of you." Waddling around the house like a penguin holding it in I wanted to laugh and cry at Bean all at the same time. The only place he couldn't help himself was at the playground running around so you would hear me a little overwhelmed with Poop boy and a brand new baby begging someone " TAKE HIM TO THE SLIDE SO HE WILL POOP! I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE THIS CHILD AN ENEMA!"

Rewards did not work. Bean could list off to you all the wonderful things he would get if he pooped in the toilet, but he just did not care. I tried everything and read everything written about this subject imaginable. I put him back in diapers figuring we would try at a later date, but he didn't want to go in them either.

Months of this started to take its toll. Exhausted and on the verge of losing it I decided that he was 3 and it was time and I had run out of ideas. We were going to hibernate in the house until he went to the bathroom. It wasn't working. The day he finally went I thought in my head I might be damaging him for life, but I was concerned about all of this withholding and constipation. I sat him on the toilet and said "you can get off when you poop." I read every story he owned, hugged him, sang to him, and wanted to cry so hard, but I knew he needed to do this and I realized like many things with parenting my spirited child, this was never going to happen easily. Finally bribing him with cookies worked, it was like we were birthing a baby together "want another bite, take a deep breath and push, it was one of my hardest parenting days. Afterward, he was so proud of himself. I was relieved he doesn't hate me. I bought and did everything I had promised; a fish, ice cream, a trip to the zoo, a ride on the train at the mall, a giant cookie. We are still having issues.

When he needs to use the toilet you can tell because he starts acting evil. It is as if his brain shuts and he just can't control his behavior. I constantly am repeating "Bean just POOP PLEASE"
When he decides to finally go he is so happy he tells everyone about it.

"Mommy Mommy I made two poops in the toilet." "A little one and a big one" "It was SOO big." "Makes mommy SOOO happy, and Daddy SOOO happy and baby Tadpole sooo happy.

Runs up to Tadpole "Baby Tadpole Baby Tadpole and repeats above all over again.

I do believe if you sit back and be patient long enough, you will be rewarded in some way for your hard work as a parent. About a month ago I got my Poop reward and it was great! Bean was sitting on the toilet with Daddy, because I just wasn't in the mood for it. I could hear them going through the whole production andBean talking the whole time. Every night before Bean goes to bed he says to me "Let me look at your eyes." " I need to see them." " Your eyes are blue like mine."
He is on the toilet having this conversation about his blue eyes and mommy's blue eyes and how they are the same. He finally poops and now he is focused on his "big poop etc. and looks at Daddy and says "Daddy the big poop is brown, just like your eyes." I am laughing so hard and I hear from the bathroom.

" I bet your Mother is going to love that one" and love it I did.

No running/pull-ups today was a resting day.

Gratitude List
* a new friend
* a new dragonfly to hang from my tree
* Tadpole's kissy noises
* Bean's way of always telling me how pretty I am all on his own fills my heart with joy
* the awesome presence of God

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Sunday, April 4, 2010

Humor in chandeliers

Today was one of those days that was filled with many ups and downs. I could write about so many things, but I think I am just going to keep this light and share the most interesting part of my day. After all, it is important to find the humor and today humor did me a favor and found me. As I am running and pushing the jogging stroller, I see this in front of me. "What?!!" OK I know I am extremely sleep deprived but I am pretty sure I haven't created this in my head.

As I get closer I realize, no you really are staring at a chandelier hanging from a tree on the entrance road to your neighborhood.

I think to myself, "some kid is going to get it for taking this from their house" and at this point I am still running. I get even closer and smell spray paint "hmm that's funny." Now my brain processes things really slow while I run, I will be the first to admit to this brain delay. I finally catch up as I get farther down the road and the image and smell become one thought... "Oh my, someone actually hung that thing from a tree on the main entrance road of the neighborhood to spray paint it!"

The funniest part about all of this is that later it occurs to me to run back so I can get a picture before it isn't there. When I stop in front of it, I see this women standing in her doorway looking through the bushes intensely staring at me. Suddenly I realize this chandelier belongs to her, and she thinks I might be trying to steal it. Now if I wasn't exhausted from running it really would have been funny if I had touched it and started to admire it and pretend to untie it. I can only imagine what would have happened next. See in this amazing gated community I live in, we aren't trying to keep the criminals out, but the crazies in!

With that thought Happy Passover and Happy Easter to those who celebrate. Did you spray paint your chandeliers? Because your company IS going to notice!

Gratitude List
* Lisa Kelly looking out for me
* David my wonderful almost 90 year old friend also looking out for me
* Bean's head injury being minor
* Running in beautiful weather outside
* The butterfly that flew by my face while I was running
* Sharing moments about parenting with honest Moms so we all got to laugh a lot!
* Tadpole my peaceful happy baby

Running Update: Ran 5 miles today outside in the beautiful weather and I am proud of myself. Bean is extremely smart and this can lead to problems while running such as "Mommy stop sign" "Mommy I said stop you not listening to me!" He even decided to start leaving a trail of Tadpole's toys in the road. Pull-ups: no gym today
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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Boys, Puddles, and GERMS

I spent all morning working on Blossoming Beginnings (my new endeavor) that I barely made it to the gym before the child care closed for the afternoon. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in something, I forget balance, balance, balance. After we made it back home, I needed to take a shower and a deep breath after Bean gave me an extra cardio work-out by almost running into the parking lot at the gym. I decided to let Bean run through the sprinkler and get rid of some energy. I set Tadpole up in his high chair by the sliding glass door so he could watch his brother. All the observation Tadpole does of Bean is really going to be problematic in the future, more like disastrous. For now it keeps him occupied.
When I peeked through my bedroom window, I saw the image above. The nursing student in me is focused on the dirty, leafy, germ infested puddle that my son is bathing in naked, and the Mama part of me is smiling at all the laughing I am hearing and is so grateful for the peaceful shower that I almost wouldn't care if he was drinking it. Don't freak, I said almost.
Germs took on a whole new meaning in nursing school. I used to touch people all the time teaching yoga. Even... gasp.....feet! Once I was in nursing school, there was no touching without gloves and I must say I am much more squeamish about touching people now. HELLO MRSA, Acinetobacter, C-diff and all the others. If you don't know what I am talking about, don't look it up because for the good of humanity, human touch must prevail.
My microbiology teacher was a childless single man who was obsessed with culturing things. He said to the class "Why do mother's say a little dirt doesn't hurt anyone? " "Have they ever put a little dirt under a mircroscope?" "There is stuff in there that could kill someone!!" Bean was 9 months old at the time, note to self limit dirt exposure ha ha I laugh back at myself now. Keyword here is childless. Has he ever had to pick between a little dirt and 5 minutes of peace? Has he ever sat in a room with a group of three-year-olds and witnessed the amount of snot? I'm going to go with no. If he had children, he would understand why moms say a little dirt never hurt anyone. Besides Dr. Microbiology man, why would any little boy choose to run around in the clean sprinkler water when there is an AMAZING puddle to play in? Bring on the germs.

Still, the thought of nasty germs prevails, and Bean got a nice organic soapy bath.

Running Update: Had to race against the gym childcare closing this afternoon so I only ran 3 miles. On the bright side it was the fastest pace I have run since Tadpole. As for the pull-ups, I did one with a 50 weight assist, which I am proud of ( I blame my butt for my difficulties) and 10 more on 70. This goal of doing a pull-up before the end of the year is really important to me. I joke around that when I accomplish this I am going to do one in the middle of the gym like all the show off guys, but it is really so much more than that. This pull-up is going to make me feel strong enough for anything.

* Treadmills so I can run at noon in Florida
* My friend Renie for always knowing how to make me smile
* Bean for saying as Tadpole is screaming in his carseat "Tadpole needs milk Mommy." So pleased that in my house it isn't he needs a bottle. My sons are going to be breastfeeding advocates!!!!
* delicious fattening white pizza
* A super adorable hand me down skirt that I am definitely wearing tomorrow
* Phil and his help with small business matters- if u are reading this, I promise the poop story on Monday (everyone else has been warned).Pin It

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Yoga and Motherhood

I suppose I started yoga at such a young age, that I am not able to fully realize the impact it has had on me. I remember a lesson a teacher was trying to get across that peace and happiness come from within. That you should be able to sit in the middle of Time Square and go inside and practice yoga and not be distracted. I got the point but it went in and out with the thought, "Lucky me, I don't live in NYC"

Then I had Bean, my fire dog with red hair (fitting for his spirited personality), and I wish I had really listened and absorbed the Time Square lesson. I remember when he was a baby screaming inconsolably because of what I later discovered was food sensitivities from my diet and I couldn't think of anything else to do to console him. This article I had read as a psych student popped in my head about babies recognizing familiar sounds and songs they heard in utero. I tried shushing him like womb sounds, rocking, swaddling, singing my favorite songs, EVERYTHING. When all failed I thought "What ELSE was there? A desperate new mother in the dark in the middle of the night.

"AAHHHHHH YOGA CLASS!!!" I taught yoga up until I was 38 weeks pregnant and so standing in the dark I started reciting a yoga class to him "Inhaaaale and Exxxhaaaaaaale" thinking my sleep deprived brain was really losing it. To my surprise it worked. He became quiet, and drifted into a peaceful sleep. "He is going to be my little yogi!" I excitedly started thinking.

I did yoga with Bean as a baby

I naively thought this peaceful yogic house was just going to continue. As I became more familiar with being a parent to a toddler, I realized that my house was rarely if ever going to be quiet again. In fact another child later, there are times I would rather practice yoga in Time Square.

I thought about this today as I was getting ready to take my children to an Easter egg hunt and the chaos just wouldn't stop. I swear I could hear my door laughing at me " You are never getting out of here." I continued, determined that I was not going to be running on mommy time today. diaper change. dry hair. potty time. change clothes. get myself dressed. change another diaper. crying baby. get myself undressed and breastfeed. get dressed again. pack snacks. find keys. phone rings. Liam crying and screaming just because. You get the idea if you are a parent and have ever done this alone.

This morning was even more eventful. Tadpole managed to crawl under my bed and was screaming his head off. I pulled him out, but the crying just wouldn't stop. Breastfeeding this time was not the answer and I didn't have time to figure it out. I really needed to leave. "Bean pleeasssee play with your brother."


"Ooh go get him one of his toys that he likes."


"Give him a kiss he is really sad."


I am now yelling "BEAN PLEASE JUST ENTERTAIN YOUR BROTHER OR WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO LEAVE BECAUSE I CAN'T FINISH GETTING READY AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOUR MAMA NO!!!!!!!" ( A 3 year old understands this haha and now I am embarrassed but not at that moment)
The yogini Mama has lost it. I feel bad. I want to know, What happened to that peaceful place? "Oh yeah" I hear this voice, "peace is supposed to come from within." Well what if I can't even hear that peace within anymore??? Then what? Where was the lesson in all those yoga books about when the only sounds you hear are your uncooperative 3 year old telling you NO! and your baby screaming and your going crazy because at that moment there is nothing you can do about it? Find me the peace in all of that!

I finally make it to the car and Tadpole with all his 25 pound might is refusing to sit in his carseat. I get them buckled in and the car turned on. Now this is the one place I refuse to give up my peace. Recently, Bean has begun to tell me to turn my music off, but I refuse. I am not budging on this one, not yet. I turn up Snatam Kaur and her amazing peaceful wonder and I am in spiritual bliss.
Aad Gurey Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh

Tadpole is soothed to sleep. He loves this stuff (remember that utero article above, used that idea this time).

and then from the backseat I hear Bean, " Mommy I want to sing too." "Nameh Nameh Nameh Nameh "

If anyone was witnessing this event, they would see a smile sweep across my face, as my soul filled up with happiness. I realize that regardless of the moments when I completely lose it, I need to forgive myself because I am aware and working on it, and because yogic ways are still reaching my children. Maybe when they are parents of small children they will be able to hold on to that peace inside of them when their house has turned into total chaos. For now, this yogini Mama can once again take a deep breath, find her peace, and not care that we are 15 minutes late because there is no other place I want to be right now than in this car with my boys.
So I continue to blog daily, I am going to add two things to my blog.
1. My daily running and pull-up progress- today was a resting day

2. Daily Gratitude entries
* Snatam Kaur
* Dragonflies

* Tadpole and his watermelon discovery
* Bean demanding " Mommy give me a big hug!" " Mommy give me a big kiss!"
* Easter egg hunt

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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Issue with "Crack"

For those of you who personally know me, you already know that my older son Bean has articulation issues, and tends to shorten words. Some days, my Mommy brains worries about whether or not his speech therapy is enough,if I practice with him enough, if he is ever going to overcome this, and all the other endless things you worry about after you become responsible for another living breathing human being.

On other days, after wishing I wore a shirt that says "what that sounds like is not what he is trying to say", I have to find the humor in it. So we get home from speech and the gym and we are in the car and I give Bean some crackers to hold him over before lunch. We get home, go inside and I put him on the couch and take a shower. When I get out the crackers are finished and he is insisting on more.
"Bean no more crackers, I am going to make lunch."
I turn my back to take care of Tadpole ( my 8 month old) and I hear this shaking sound and crumbs dumping everywhere.


I should also mention that Liam is not phased by me freaking out and rather finds it annoying. As I get around the corner to pick this mess up he looks up at me and yells back " I NEED CRACK!" " I NEED CRACK!" " I NEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD CRACK!"

"Bean we don't have anymore crackers, we have to go to the store." This idea is unacceptable to my 3 year old crack driven child. He NEEDS crack NOW! My precious little 3 year old son is rummaging through our garbage and screaming how he NEEDS them, like a crack addict. At least today this happened in the privacy of our home but it brought back a very vivid memory of one exciting trip to the food store.

We were walking down the cookie and cracker aisle on a very busy day at the food store. I never before thought about the fact that he refers to crackers as crack. It was just another one of his words he shortens. Then out of no where on the top of his lungs
"Ma Bunny crack" "Ma I NEED crack" " Ma I NEED crack"
I quickly put the crackers in the cart, but that wasn't good enough, no my son didn't just want crackers in the cart. "I WANT CRACK NOW" "MA OPEN THE CRACK"
Everyone is staring at him and one part of me is embarrassed, the other part is wondering how many people think someone needs to call DCF, and this other part of me is thinking I don't remember the last time I've experienced this much excitement shopping for food and I feel blessed to be a Mommy.Pin It