Stay The F**K Asleep

Stay the F**k Asleep 

At midnight as I'm almost asleep you come running in my room,

Begging to curl right back up like you're still in my womb.

I read you a story, tucked you in, gave you water, and kisses goodnight,

That was 4 hours ago why aren't you still under the covers tight???

Lay down little one I don't want to hear a peep

PLEASE OH PLEASE JUST STAY THE F**K ASLEEP!

Your brother and you must have telepathy or hatred for me,

He is right behind you and my God you're five and three.

I've taken you to doctors, sleep studies, EEGs galore,

I've even had your adenoids removed so you wouldn't snore.

What more will it take?

So you won't awake?

I can't take it anymore no more Mommy speak,  "BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP"

PLEASE OH PLEASE JUST STAY THE F**K ASLEEP!

You're both in my bed and my ass is hanging off the side,

Oh how many nights I have given up and cried.

You lay on my head, kick me in my ribs, and flail all night

When will this end is their peaceful sleep in sight?

The bags under my eyes are getting bigger as I weep

PLEASE OH PLEASEEEEEEE JUST STAY THE F**K ASLEEP!

The experts definitely have never been a mother in the middle of the night,

Being awaken with a child right in your face, what a fright!

Stop trying to give me a heart attack I don't want to reenact The Sixth Sense,

The years of sleep deprivation are making this mama tense.

What did I do so wrong in my past life before,

That every single night is another sleep war?

Chocolate, candy, money, I'll bribe you with the best,

What will it take so you will let me rest?

Little ones this situation is getting deep,

WHY OH WHY OH WHY WONT YOU STAY THE F**K ASLEEP?

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