Friday, August 31, 2012

First Day of Kindergarten

How is it that time moves so fast through the moments you want it to be still? The moments in your life where you want to separate yourself as a participant and an observer so you can really take it all in and never forget. Kindergarten is here. I didn't get the memo. I know there are Moms who are so excited, "Kindergarten is here, finally!"

 I am not one of them. I didn't realize this was going to be hard for me (I know my Mom is reading this and laughing), maybe I am the only one that didn't realize this, but I feel like I really just closed a priceless chapter and I am not sure I was ready.

Being a Mom though, I put on my biggest smile, and got my baby big boy ready for kindergarten. I set him up for a great first day. I read him a book the night before about kindergarten, made him a sign, took his picture, took a short video of him, calmed all his worries, walked him to his classroom, helped him make friends with the adorable little girl standing in line next to him, and handed the most important thing in the world to me into the hands of another person.

Then the rest of us walked back to the car. One of the school employees on hall duty, asked us if we were ok, and Rock looked at her like yeah why wouldn't we be and said "yes"

As he walked by I looked back and said to her "He totally doesn't get it." We drove home minus one and I cried a little.

I had a million things to do, but I simply sat in front of my computer and stared into space while thoughts rushed through my head... is he scared, has he made friends, is he going to get picked on, is he going to make it back out of the bathroom dressed, and the thought I just could not shake ...  is kindergarten going to be so hard on him that the sweetest most gentle being I have ever met in my life, disappears as he tries desperately to fit in and adapt to the environment of school.

Now I know that sounds extreme, and I am sure a great deal of this angst comes from my experience in kindergarten with the meanest teacher who ever lived.

 If you couldn't recite your address, you had to go sit in jail in the corner and she said things that made you feel horrible. I can only imagine how those kids felt. If we were going on a vacation (who wanted to go on vacation with that bitch anyway), and you couldn't think of something to take on this vacation with the letter of the day she ridiculed you.  God forbid you peed your pants! I had a boy friend in kindergarten, I was totally smitten about. He was a lefty just like me and we were both in for it because of our penmanship alone. I wanted to grow up and marry him one day and I remember things she did to him that were mean, and I hated her even more. I tried so hard to do everything "right" to avoid this horrid woman but  it was inevitable I would fail. For one thing I absolutely loved talking more than I do now, and that doesn't work in any classroom let alone hers.

One day I did not have my backpack. I was hysterical. I never wanted to be noticed by this woman. I sat there and longed for my minnie mouse backpack to come flying through the door. The only reason I even remember what my backpack looked like was because of this day I sat longing for its arrival. She was irritated I was crying about this. I remember when my mom cracked open that door. I can still see my backpack as it was slowly placed on the floor in my classroom, and I was saved.

Then there was the day of the bomb drill, yes we did those on Long Island in the 80s, and I had forgotten that was what we were doing this particular day. Seeing as she told us all about the drill earlier, I was expected not to forget. Well when I heard the bell, I went to my cubby and started to put my boots on because I thought I was going home.

Oh BIG mistake. I can still remember her yelling at me "What are you doing?" "Get those boots off and your shoes back on. Hurry up and get in the hallway."She was so pissed. Of course now i was scared shitless and this was making it worse because I wasn't moving fast enough.

I hated her and I hated school because I associated her with school. It is not surprising my migraines got worse that year, I contracted pneumonia right before Thanksgiving, and the worst case of chicken pox you have ever seen in the Spring. I had to find someway to get out of that place!

Bean's teacher has a beautiful smile and a big heart. She likes him as far as I can tell. When I picked him up from school "Mommy I missed you more than anyone has ever missed you, but I had soo much fun at school!"

"Bean I am so happy you had fun at school, but I might have missed you a little more than you missed me."

"No Mommy I missed you the mostest ever."

"I love you Bean."

"I love you too Mommy so much in my heart."

I think kindergarten isn't going to be that bad, besides he can't have the most horrid teacher ever, because I already did!

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