Monday, February 23, 2015

Fearless in My Own Skin

I was serious yesterday in my post about how I hate loathe despise having my picture taken. I know I can not be the only one. The selfie epidemic makes me feel inadequate.  In some ways, left out. I  watch the photo obsessed take pictures of themselves, and shudder with the thoughts of how uncomfortable and awkward I feel about myself. The only thing that trumps the selfie movement, is the ability to tag people in photos. Cruel friends tag me in the most horrendous photos. I quickly untag myself, and make a joke to them about how they must hate me or something, only I am not joking.

I avoid photos every chance I can.

I avoid photo obsessed people, they are not the same as photographers. I in fact, have lots of photographer friends. They are safe. No one wants to work when relaxing and hanging out.

I have cried over bad photos. Some of you can relate. Especially that horrendous school photo that is printed into everyone's yearbook. Permanently.

I had a rude awakening about the detrimental emotional effect of not taking photos. If you have not read about David, do so (gratitude day 10 David) because I mention him almost too much, but only almost, because no one could ever have too much of David's wisdom. After David passed away, and I realized I had never taken a photo with him, after a decade of being friends, it was a tough lesson to learn. I would not have cared what I looked like in that hypothetical photo, I just wish it wasn't hypothetical.

When you have kids they really help you avoid photos because you and everyone else can focus on taking and sharing photos of them. I do not want my kids to wonder where I was during their childhood.

I have even come up with piles of excuses not to have my photo taken. I do think people should be more conscientious and respectful of this, because my goodness people are pushy about photos, but for me it is time to stop avoiding the camera.

I no longer want to be so uncomfortable in my own skin, that I do not want photos of myself to exist. In a youth and beauty obsessed society, it is so hard to feel good enough if we base our value on our appearance. In my opinion this is even worse  for women.  You can never be young enough, thin enough, pretty enough; in essence you will never be perfect enough, and you will constantly be reminded of your imperfections through media, and advertising.

I was also serious in my post when I said I am working on this.

So, as uncomfortable and vulnerable(oh so very vulnerable) I feel about this. I am making a change. This isn't just for me. I do not want to pass any of this baggage, even accidentally onto my children, especially my daughter. So, I am just going to get rid of this baggage.

 As part of my 2015 revamp movement, I am going to start taking more photos of myself, and having more photos taken of me. I will not promise that they will all be as raw as the ones tonight, but I will not photoshop myself into a super model. I do not even know how to do that in the first place. So here is to the start of my own Fearless in My Own Skin Movement. If you are struggling with this as well, feel free to join in, comment and link to your blog, or add photo comments to the Lotus Rock LIfe Facebook Page with the hashtag #Fearlessinmyownskin.

Thank you as always for your support! My heart goes out to everyone else who struggles with taking and having photos taken of themselves. Now is the time for change.

So without anymore chatter.  Here are my selfies. What I look like late at night after hours of taking care of my three littles. No filters. No foundation.  Just me with my hair a little messy, getting ready to work on casts and blog.

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