Sleepless nights...the other half of the badge

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Rock has been working a lot the past two weeks, and with overtime comes working different hours around the clock and lots of overnight shifts. On normal shift days, he goes to work in his civilian clothes, and I never realized what a difference this made for me until last night when he came out for work dressed in his uniform.

I noticed something about his uniform looked different and I wasn't sure what it was. When I remembered he was issued a new vest, I realized that, was what was making him look different; it's bigger than his old one.

 As sexy as a man in uniform is, wrapping my arms around his larger than usual chest filled me with the overwhelming sense of how fragile life is. How this big strong man that makes me feel safer when he is sleeping next to me, is still mortal. As we embrace, he is talking about how his new vest covers more of his body, and all I am thinking about is all the places it doesn't and then I worry about all the people I love and the anxiety flows through me. I realize that life is just one big movement of change and I am still having trouble accepting this. This is our life though, and sometimes as a law enforcement officer's wife, you have to push that into the back of your mind, or it can consume you. Naturally I look at him and make light of it, "If I was a police officer, I'd want a helmet." Rock looks at me and says "Yeah, I could see you, full on riot gear, 'let's go guys.'"

As I tuck my two boys into bed, I know it is another restless night for me. I always sleep better when my personal police officer is home because I feel safer and I know he is as well. Some nights I let my mind wander  around two scenarios I hope I am never faced with;being home alone one night and having to be the sole protector of my children against the unmentionable evils that exist in this world, and the other horrifying thought "what if that doorbell ever did ring one night and the person on the other side of the door was someone I never want showing up to my house unexpected with news I never want to hear" Would I be brave enough to remember a hero is never simply mortal?



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