It never occurred to me talking to your child about when they grow up, could induce huge panic and dread.
Why doesn't each child come with their own manual? I swear, this would be a manual I would actually read.
I often ask Bean "what do you want to be when you grow up?" This frequently changes, but for quite a while it has been the same two answers.
" A paleontologist and a zookeeper." Do you think I can do both Mommy?"
Well that prompted Mommy brain to start talking about when he goes away to college and how much fun he will have, and how he can be and do anything he wants.
Well he gets this mortified look on his face while I am going on and on and I am getting more and more perplexed.
"Mommy I don't want to go away." he says to me with this devastated look on his face like I just kicked him out of the house.
Do I have to leave home because I want to live with you forever?" he says.
My heart melted he was getting teary eyed. I unintentionally caused this.
I quickly thought this through and then spoke. " Liam, you will grow up one day and move out, get married, and have a family of your own." I thought I had done a great job...
" I don't want to get married, there is no one better than you Mommy." Liam looked me directly in the eyes...
"Well Bean, Mommy is already married to Daddy, and" but before I could finish he interjects.
"Why did Daddy have to marry you?" ...
This all happened a while back and he is slowly giving up his mama's boy status. He now is dead set on the girl he is going to marry and the issue is now about his house. I am never going to leave this house. When (fill in the blank) and I get married we are going to live here forever.
So because I am sick so much, it has had an effect on my children, and so one day, Bean starts talking about if I die.
I sure do love these conversations.
So I tell him, "If I die maybe you can live near Nonnie." My Mom who was actually in town at the time and trying to comfort him says
"yeah, you can come stay in my big house and have your own room and Tadpole can have his own room."
He looks Nonnie straight in the face and says "Oh no, I am never leaving my house, you can come live here."
So I'd say this is a positive, and that growth and maturity are taking place. He no longer is a mama's boy, he just has attachment issues to his house and obviously doesn't like change much.
Seeing as me dying isn't the area of concern, but where he lives is, I feel a lot less guilty about making him cry. I am serious about those manuals though! I mean come on, hear me out, as babies come right out of the womb and into this world couldn't they just come with a personalized instruction booklet? So much easier. Just throwing it out there!